Into 2012

Into the 2nd day of New Year, the euphoria of a new year seems to have vanished, one has again settled down to the routine of school and office. The charter of responsibilities remains the same, or perhaps with every passing year, it increases as our children also grow older by a year, and there is only so much time left to accomplish.

On the positive side, we had a wonderful new year’s eve; all of us were on the dance floor at the army club, Ramam also enjoyed every moment of it, the music, and the lights. Then with a pang of heart, you realize he has come a long way. He was formally dressed the first time; with formal black shoes…We started the New Year on a very happy note.

On the second, I had been with Ramam for a sathabishekam function (80th Bday). We had been invited by my husband’s school friend (a very long association!). I went late and stayed for 20 min. He was well behaved, but something stops you from letting go. The friend’s son, a couple of months younger to Ramam had to be dragged from a game; he quickly exchanged pleasantries and was back to his game. And here I was, constantly tracking Ramam, as if there was a GPS tracker fitted on me. Ramam had taken pains to dress up, he insisted on wearing the same black shoes, he wore for the New Year’s Eve. These are things that bother me, when he puts in a lot of effort to be part of the system. It then makes you feel very sad, that why did he have to be autistic. He could have also enjoyed a normal childhood. Recently at another social event, we had met some friends for dinner. There was so much of conversation going around and here this boy, sitting very silently next to me. Initially we explain the social significance of the dinner, the guests say hello to him and beyond that there is nothing. All that we keep asking him is, do you want to order something more, and is the food ok. We seemed to be doing only food- centric conversations. Sadly, others also fail to interact with them after a point of time. My daughter is playing with other children after sometime. Nobody is to blame, that is the way things are, but I should be content that he is probably still part of so many things, and is also enjoying it in his own way.

Recently, a mother spoke to me about homeschooling her son in Bangalore. When we were posted in Jabalpur and Pune, (my husband was in the army then) I used to think that when we move to Bangalore, all my schooling problems will be resolved. But, even here, parents are talking of homeschooling. Anyway, having started the New Year on a happy note, this is hoping I end the year on a similar note . Ramam should learn things in the new year that are useful to him in the years to come.

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